Tech Support - It Sucks On Both Ends

In our modern times we have come to depend on many an invention - technical inventions. And along with these technical inventions has come many a technical breakdown in products, and along with these breakdowns, to ensure their customers that they will always be there for them and wish their customers everything that's good in this world, companies are providing extra services - loving caring services - for their customers: "We'll give you tech support on all our products!" they cry!

"We care about you!" they say! "If anything is wrong, we want to be there for you, because our customers are the best customers in the world! And to prove it to you - call our trained technical loving caring professionals, they will hold your hand and guide you and love you and make everything all better!"

Then you go and call them, and it's somebody who's falling asleep or who sounds bored and irritable, and frankly they aren't caring nor do they even care about caring. They don't even know anything at all about the product, the Sony Cybershot DSCW50 6MP Digital Camera with 3x Optical Zoom that you purchased. Oh sure they could tell you loads about the Cybershot DSCW 49a with 4x digital zoom, but the DSCW50 they know nothing about - they didn't even know it ever existed. And so you do the only thing in your power that could possibly make you feel better - you cuss out that Technical Support Representative over the phone.

I worked in technical support for 9 months for a place called Big Planet (yes - I'm aware that probably violating 5 different copyrights as well as contract agreements that I had with Big Planet when I gave them my 2 weeks notice - but frankly - I just don't care) and I am here to tell you that it is usually not the fault of the people that you talk to on the line for tech support that you're frustrated and angry, except of course for the tech support assistant who just got sick of talking to people so when the customer called he just put them on 'mute' for 30 minutes - so for 30 minutes you could hear the customer saying, "Hello? Hello? Is anybody there?"

You might think that the Tech Support Assistant you're talking to is just trying to drag you along and put you on hold. In all reality - they hate being on the phone with you as much as you hate talking to them, if not even more so. Every second that you're on the phone with us is one less second that we could be playing javanoid (http://www.javanoid.com/). Actually that's not true - it's altogether possible to play javanoid while on the phone with clients. "Okay - click on 'SMTP preferences'...blast! I only have 1 life left!" "Huh? One life?" "No no - not life - SMTP preferences - then next...good...good...you're doing good...aw, CRAP! no lives left!" "huh?" "Right - click on 'apply' now 'ok'....good...we're almost done..."

The truth of the matter is a lot of tech support people are disgruntled mainly because while you've been on hold for 40 minutes becoming disgruntled they've spent the last 40 minutes dealing with somebody whose iPhone has stopped working all of a sudden even though it worked perfectly well every day for the last 6 years and they love their iPhone, and is there anyway they can get a new one even though 5 years ago they stopped making them, and have explained 4 times over, first in a bored voice, then in a kindly voice, then in an irritable voice, and finally in a firm yet kind voice that there are no new sources for iPhones and they might just have to go out and buy a computer to get on the internet and no there is nothing you can do for them, because frankly the tech support person is the lowliest rung on the lowliest ladder of the lowliest branch of the company. They have as much power of persuasion in their company as you have over Microsoft's next version of Windows.

And then people call in and expect you to give them support on things that aren't even your company's products, like this person that expected me to help her out with her printer - this is the exact ticket I wrote:

Christian Farmer Dec 8, 2004 9:42 PM (MDT)
Delores called in, I was the first one she talked to, then Leona, then Kevin. She gets on and says she wants a calendar to run down one side of the page instead of the other. I told her that I was sorry but that we don't support that. She asked me that we do support, I told her that I do technical support for big planet products. She then said "do you want me to switch to AOL?" and wanted to know what she paid us for. She asked me if I could refer her to someone else to take care of it and I said, "Do you have any grandchildren?" she says "What?" and I said "Do you have any children?" and she goes "You're a turkey, you're an a**hole" and hung up.

So in summary - you might hate being on the phone for tech support - but most tech support workers like it even less, so the next time you call in to tech support - be kind to them - and you'll make the world a happier place. Otherwise they might end up burning things to relieve stress like when we burned many iPhones - both InfoGear & Cidco:

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Your Friend The Jaw

On my mission I rode a bike every single day for 22 months straight, minus 5 or 6 days for minor illnesses. Because of this I learned how to ride without hands very well - I would ride for 10 blocks straight without hands, and if it wasn't for those darned traffic lights I never would have had to put my hands on the handle bars even to stop. I even rode off a 10 inch tall curb without hands - and was rather proud of myself for doing so. Then one day we were late for an appointment - really late - and I rode my bike without hands from the street up onto a curb. I'd successfully navigated this same spot over 90 times without hands - a 100% success rate - but this time I lost control and flew out of my seat from going too fast - so that only my feet were in contact with the bicycle. Thinking quick - I grabbed for the handle bars - accidentally slammed on the front brake - executed a magnificent flip right into the concrete - and broke my jaw.

If I had just fallen off the bike it wouldn't have been so bad - but no - I had to grab for the handle bars and flip into the concrete transferring all my momentum right into my jaw and mouth, breaking 6 or 7 teeth, and my jaw in 3 places.

At the hospital there was a plastic surgeon - in a purple suit coat (not mauve, not burgundy - purple- like a grape Otter Pop) and an orange tie. He kept on trying to convince me to have some procedure done that night where they would cut open my jaw, and put a metal plate on it. My dad (who's a dentist) and my Stake President (who's an orthodontist) insisted that that shouldn't happen.

During the night in the hospital nurses kept on coming in to prep me for surgery, and Elder Gibbons had to keep on telling them, "No - no surgery". It was like the plastic surgeon was a used car salesman who coudln't take no for an answer.

In the morning nurses came in with cheerios. "He can't eat that." "But it's bland food!" "It doesn't matter if it's bland if he can't chew it."

In the end we went to 2 different hospitals, 2 different oral surgeons, a root canal specialist, and a dentist to get all my teeth work done, and over $10,000 of oral surgery & dental work went into my mouth. Since I was on a mission it was all paid for by church insurance.

My jaw was wired shut for 7 weeks. Luckily you can talk with your jaw wired shut, and still ride a bicycle so I was able to go around tracting still. I learned how to say the phrase, "I broke my jaw, and it's wired shut - can you please put my food in the blender?" in spanish (Me fractulé la mandibula - puede ud. poner la comida en la licuadora) for dinner appointments. I also carried around wire clippers in case of vomiting.

In the first week I tried to make a smoothie out of a pizza. Yes - I know - making a pizza smoothie is wrong and disgusting - but let's see YOU try having your jaw wired shut without getting desperate. For Thanksgiving the people we ate dinner with put some turkey and gravy in the blender for me - and honestly - it was one of the best tasting meals I've ever had.

When my jaw was opened back up I had to do stretching exercises where I would force my mouth to open wider with my fingers. I tried to eat a sandwich at a party - a normal sized sandwich - and I couldn't get it in. I had to smash the sandwich with my hands to be able to cram it in there.

From then on every missionary was asked if they were riding their bikes without hands. All because of me and my jaw.

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