The Right To Bare Facial Hair
Today we wish to discuss a subject of great controversy, a subject which has divided the masses, and pitted men against women, brother against sister, boyfriend against girlfriend. We’re not talking about the dreaded ‘one-strap backpacks’ that no girl should ever wear or even about the difference of people wearing shorts that are one inch above the knee versus shorts that are two inches above the knee. We’re talking about something completely different: the right of males to only wear facial hair that quite frankly looks gay. When we say gay we do not mean happy as gay is used in C.S. Lewis's The Silver Chair nor do we mean homosexual. No, in this case we mean blatantly moronic.
Males (& females) of BYU campus of course follow the honor code, and the honor code when dealing with facial hair says:
“If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. Men are expected to be clean shaven; beards are not acceptable.”
I assume since the above phrase does not include ‘women’ that women are presumed to be okay to wear beards. Not that any women would admit to that, but frankly I’m sure many of the women are now gloating over this to the men, looking at the men and saying, “Look what I have the right to do and YOU don’t!” This is blatant sexism! I am shocked and appalled, yes - appalled, at this blatant disregard of the rights of men being equal to the rights of women! Heck, it doesn't even tell women they have to shave their legs, which in most people's opinion is MUCH more of social faux pas then men not shaving their faces. But I digress.
We men don’t love this rule, but we follow it because we have to. You look around during the 2 week winter & summer breaks, and you will see 98% of male BYU students sporting goatees, full beards, some even sporting the John Taylor style beard which in all honesty was rather grotesque and can be seen in this picture.
The remaining 2% that don’t grow beards are those unfortunate souls, who, even though they are more ashamed to admit this fact than the women who can grow beards, CANNOT grow beards even if they rubbed minoxidil all over their faces every day and forwent shaving for 20 years.
The one facial hair item that is condoned by the honor code is ironically the one that is condemned by most of society: the moustache. Most men out there prefer not to grow mustaches. They would rather shave their entire body, daily even, than be forced to grow a moustache. Don’t get me wrong – some men can grow absolutely beautiful moustaches, like a whole 2 out of every thousand of us. The rest of us men on campus are forced to do one of two things: 1) wear a hideous looking mustache, the like of which would be repulsive to monkeys 2) do without facial hair altogether.
There is now a third option men! We have been researching the honor code for many years and found a loophole. It will require a great sacrifice from all of us males on campus: There is a type of mustache, worn by Charlie Chaplin, and later made completely unacceptable by a fascist megalomaniacal dictator which is actually acceptable within the guidelines of the honor code stated above. Wearing this mustache would force the Honor Code Office to either give in to our demands and allow us to wear socially acceptable beards, or ban moustaches completely from campus for ever. Either way, I think it's worth it.
Males (& females) of BYU campus of course follow the honor code, and the honor code when dealing with facial hair says:
“If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. Men are expected to be clean shaven; beards are not acceptable.”
I assume since the above phrase does not include ‘women’ that women are presumed to be okay to wear beards. Not that any women would admit to that, but frankly I’m sure many of the women are now gloating over this to the men, looking at the men and saying, “Look what I have the right to do and YOU don’t!” This is blatant sexism! I am shocked and appalled, yes - appalled, at this blatant disregard of the rights of men being equal to the rights of women! Heck, it doesn't even tell women they have to shave their legs, which in most people's opinion is MUCH more of social faux pas then men not shaving their faces. But I digress.
We men don’t love this rule, but we follow it because we have to. You look around during the 2 week winter & summer breaks, and you will see 98% of male BYU students sporting goatees, full beards, some even sporting the John Taylor style beard which in all honesty was rather grotesque and can be seen in this picture.
The remaining 2% that don’t grow beards are those unfortunate souls, who, even though they are more ashamed to admit this fact than the women who can grow beards, CANNOT grow beards even if they rubbed minoxidil all over their faces every day and forwent shaving for 20 years.
The one facial hair item that is condoned by the honor code is ironically the one that is condemned by most of society: the moustache. Most men out there prefer not to grow mustaches. They would rather shave their entire body, daily even, than be forced to grow a moustache. Don’t get me wrong – some men can grow absolutely beautiful moustaches, like a whole 2 out of every thousand of us. The rest of us men on campus are forced to do one of two things: 1) wear a hideous looking mustache, the like of which would be repulsive to monkeys 2) do without facial hair altogether.
There is now a third option men! We have been researching the honor code for many years and found a loophole. It will require a great sacrifice from all of us males on campus: There is a type of mustache, worn by Charlie Chaplin, and later made completely unacceptable by a fascist megalomaniacal dictator which is actually acceptable within the guidelines of the honor code stated above. Wearing this mustache would force the Honor Code Office to either give in to our demands and allow us to wear socially acceptable beards, or ban moustaches completely from campus for ever. Either way, I think it's worth it.
posted by CT at 9:41 PM
7 Comments:
mustaches: grossed out to the max. It is quite possible that mustaches went out with the Alamo
I support the Hitler-stache.
Down with neck-beards!
i just wanna ask where in the Doctrine and Covenants or anywhere it states that facial hair affects spirituality. Think about it. Moses, Abraham, Noah, even Jesus, all are typically thought of with beards. They were prophets and the Son of God. Shouldn't it nearly be a req to have at least some decent looking facial hair then??
I'm going with Blaine on this one. If Brigham Young had a beard, then I just don't understand. I mean, seriously, I don't like beards, but if that floats your boat, then why not? Goatees are acceptable on most guys. And mustaches are just a no.
My friend told me about her guy friend who went to take his ID picture. They asked him if he had shaved that day, and he said no. So they gave him a little disposable razor package type thing and told him to shave and come back when he's done. I cannot believe that it's actually that ridiculous here.
Go for the Hitler-staches. Whatever it takes.
Oh yeah, just a helpful hint. It would be "bear" facial hair instead of "bare." Unless of course you meant it as a play on words sort of thing, then I apologize for correcting you.
lol - well - it was a mistake at first - then I left there as a play on words actually. As 'to make one's facial hair available for all the world to see - to make it bare to the naked eye'
They'll give you those craptastic razors and shaving cream at dances or sporting events (not of the football or basketball variety) if you either (1) admit you're a byu student or (2) admit you haven't shaved that day.
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