BYU: It’s More Than Just a School
Welcome new students to Brigham Young University, a University that is much more than just a University! We pledge to be better than the rest, to rise above them, to stand forth and to show an example to the rest of the poor universities out there. That’s right dear students: We pledge to be your mother!
We don’t care how old you get at this University, we will still think of you as ‘Our Children’. We will love you like you’re our kids, and will hold your hand, and make you lunch, and see you off to school. Most importantly, and we say this to you Mothers & Fathers out there as well: We will NOT let you do anything or say anything to us without us checking with your parents to see if it’s true! No sirree bob, we will not let this happen to you, because we care. If you happen to get bad grades, we will send a letter to your parents. If you switch housing, we will tell your parents. If you happen to purchase a more than adequately sized lunch or less than adequately sized lunch we will also tell your parents, because we care so much that we will not trust you to do this on your own.
What’s that? You say that you’re 25 and an undergraduate and have chosen to live with your parents for this semester? Well Mister or Miss, we just care too much to be able to trust you on this matter, so we’re going to have to call up your parents and ask them, or better yet, you just better get a signed permission slip from them saying that you have their permission to live with them, and that you truly are doing so and are not just living in your car on the street.
Oh, and don’t you go bringing up the fact that you signed the Honor Code and that we should trust you - the Honor Code is merely a way of ENFORCING honesty, so that we may kick you out of this University if ever you should break it. It’s more of an incentive to help you be honest, rather than a statement saying that because you signed it, we now implicitly trust you. Yes sir, when we draw a chalk circle and ask you to promise that you’ll never leave it, we won’t just go one mile with you by trusting you to stay in it, instead we’ll go twain with you by absolutely making sure that it is impossible for you to break your word: we love you so much that we’ll even put one of those invisible dog fences underneath the chalk circle, and shackle one of those dog collars to your ankle, thus ensuring that there is no way in all this grand campus for you to break your word. We fully stand by our motto: Teach People and Let Them Govern Themselves? No! Teach People And Then Force Them to Do the Right Thing!
This is of course one of the reasons for BYU approved housing: we can’t trust you students to choose decent housing for yourself, so instead we will insist that you live in a small area designated by us as proper and good. And to teach you to appreciate the value of money, we will create a monopoly to inflate prices and deprive you of it. We are following the time honored tradition that one can never truly appreciate having something until one loses it.
You say that cleaning checks are merely an excuse for the apartment complex owners to charge more money by charging $25.00 per hour for cleaning but only paying the cleaning people $10.00 and that you’re always charged a fee for it, but never ever see the cleaning people actually doing the jobs you’re charged for? What a silly notion! Apartment complex owners are adults and are to be completely trusted.
What’s that? You say that we should trust you to be adults and decide where would be a decent place to live yourselves? Oh you silly students! You’re so cute when you fend for your freedom! “Why’s that?” you ask? Oh, haha! It’s very simple: because we said so!
Just remember students: we’re only doing this for your own good.
We don’t care how old you get at this University, we will still think of you as ‘Our Children’. We will love you like you’re our kids, and will hold your hand, and make you lunch, and see you off to school. Most importantly, and we say this to you Mothers & Fathers out there as well: We will NOT let you do anything or say anything to us without us checking with your parents to see if it’s true! No sirree bob, we will not let this happen to you, because we care. If you happen to get bad grades, we will send a letter to your parents. If you switch housing, we will tell your parents. If you happen to purchase a more than adequately sized lunch or less than adequately sized lunch we will also tell your parents, because we care so much that we will not trust you to do this on your own.
What’s that? You say that you’re 25 and an undergraduate and have chosen to live with your parents for this semester? Well Mister or Miss, we just care too much to be able to trust you on this matter, so we’re going to have to call up your parents and ask them, or better yet, you just better get a signed permission slip from them saying that you have their permission to live with them, and that you truly are doing so and are not just living in your car on the street.
Oh, and don’t you go bringing up the fact that you signed the Honor Code and that we should trust you - the Honor Code is merely a way of ENFORCING honesty, so that we may kick you out of this University if ever you should break it. It’s more of an incentive to help you be honest, rather than a statement saying that because you signed it, we now implicitly trust you. Yes sir, when we draw a chalk circle and ask you to promise that you’ll never leave it, we won’t just go one mile with you by trusting you to stay in it, instead we’ll go twain with you by absolutely making sure that it is impossible for you to break your word: we love you so much that we’ll even put one of those invisible dog fences underneath the chalk circle, and shackle one of those dog collars to your ankle, thus ensuring that there is no way in all this grand campus for you to break your word. We fully stand by our motto: Teach People and Let Them Govern Themselves? No! Teach People And Then Force Them to Do the Right Thing!
This is of course one of the reasons for BYU approved housing: we can’t trust you students to choose decent housing for yourself, so instead we will insist that you live in a small area designated by us as proper and good. And to teach you to appreciate the value of money, we will create a monopoly to inflate prices and deprive you of it. We are following the time honored tradition that one can never truly appreciate having something until one loses it.
You say that cleaning checks are merely an excuse for the apartment complex owners to charge more money by charging $25.00 per hour for cleaning but only paying the cleaning people $10.00 and that you’re always charged a fee for it, but never ever see the cleaning people actually doing the jobs you’re charged for? What a silly notion! Apartment complex owners are adults and are to be completely trusted.
What’s that? You say that we should trust you to be adults and decide where would be a decent place to live yourselves? Oh you silly students! You’re so cute when you fend for your freedom! “Why’s that?” you ask? Oh, haha! It’s very simple: because we said so!
Just remember students: we’re only doing this for your own good.
posted by CT at 3:36 PM
4 Comments:
BYU has been trying to get me to have my mom sign a note saying I live at home. Whatever.
Having us prove where we live and giving us fines if we don’t is taking the honor code to a new level. This new state of obedience is wonderful! I can’t wait until all conform. It kind of reminds me of the crusades.
I was thinking it was more like communist Cuba - not that I've been there, but from the stories from various Cubans it sounds just about right.
ah but you can always go for the waiver. Oh yes, the elusive waiver. Oh btw that's impossible. Personally I'd stick wiht russia during the cold war but cuba works 2.
Post a Comment
<< Home