Businesses That Would Be Obsolete Without Students
We wish for this to be the first part of a series of articles. Articles that talk about businesses that would be obsolete if we students weren't here to provide labor for them. Businesses which, in order to be financially successful, require dirty, nasty, TERRIBLE work to be performed, such as will be illustrated here below.
Business Number One On Our List - TELESURVEYING
If you haven’t worked at this job yet, and you happen to live in Provo, there will be sometime when you will say to yourself, “Hmm…40 hours per week, and $8.00 per hour – I don’t care how bad it is, it’s worth it!”. If you ever catch yourself saying these words, quickly run to a phone and call up your mother or father or legal guardian, and tell them about the job you’re thinking of applying for. Soon they (the parental people), upon hearing about your new idea for a job, will start to cry and say to you, “What’s wrong? Couldn’t you find any jobs as a dishwasher?”
This job looks decent on the surface, except for a couple of minor problems. First off, when employers in Provo say you get up to 40 hours per week, that’s just as valid as those grocery sales that say “FROM AS LOW AS $3.00” where the only thing that’s on sale for $3.00 is an 8 month old freezer burnt set of Pigs Feet. In reality, you MIGHT possibly get 22 hours per week. Second off, you will spend ALL DAY LONG saying the exact same words to people, over and over and over again. Pretty soon you'll catch yourself using those words in normal daily conversations. Like from my following true life example: We did a survey for coca-cola for a month or so, where we would call up local businesses that used coke products and ask them for information on how well they liked the services. I said the same words so much that one time I called up Papa Johns to order a pizza, and when they asked, "How can I help you?" I said, "Yes, this is Michael Moore from Custom Research and I'm just calling to conduct a short surv...I'm sorry about that - I really just want to order a pizza."
You might be thinking to yourself right now, “Oh, I could do that, I’m creative with words and would be able to change the wording from time to time.” Oh, you poor misguided person! Do not EVER think that in relation to surveys. The NUMBER ONE, absolutely unbreakable rule in conducting phone surveys is: You CANNOT for ANY reason change the wording as shown you on your computer screen. If a man has a nuclear missile and is threatening to destroy the United States and start World War III unless you change the words you’re saying, you STILL can’t vary those words one bit. Oh no, that would introduce bias into the system, and that would be a travesty that could possibly destroy the universe.
But relax you Telesurveying Companies - even though I'm writing this about your company right at this moment - there is no possible way your careers are in jeopardy, because we live in Provo - The Land of People Who Are So Desperate For Any Job at Any Time That They Would Probably Even Consider Indentured Servitude As An Acceptible Career Choice.
Business Number One On Our List - TELESURVEYING
If you haven’t worked at this job yet, and you happen to live in Provo, there will be sometime when you will say to yourself, “Hmm…40 hours per week, and $8.00 per hour – I don’t care how bad it is, it’s worth it!”. If you ever catch yourself saying these words, quickly run to a phone and call up your mother or father or legal guardian, and tell them about the job you’re thinking of applying for. Soon they (the parental people), upon hearing about your new idea for a job, will start to cry and say to you, “What’s wrong? Couldn’t you find any jobs as a dishwasher?”
This job looks decent on the surface, except for a couple of minor problems. First off, when employers in Provo say you get up to 40 hours per week, that’s just as valid as those grocery sales that say “FROM AS LOW AS $3.00” where the only thing that’s on sale for $3.00 is an 8 month old freezer burnt set of Pigs Feet. In reality, you MIGHT possibly get 22 hours per week. Second off, you will spend ALL DAY LONG saying the exact same words to people, over and over and over again. Pretty soon you'll catch yourself using those words in normal daily conversations. Like from my following true life example: We did a survey for coca-cola for a month or so, where we would call up local businesses that used coke products and ask them for information on how well they liked the services. I said the same words so much that one time I called up Papa Johns to order a pizza, and when they asked, "How can I help you?" I said, "Yes, this is Michael Moore from Custom Research and I'm just calling to conduct a short surv...I'm sorry about that - I really just want to order a pizza."
You might be thinking to yourself right now, “Oh, I could do that, I’m creative with words and would be able to change the wording from time to time.” Oh, you poor misguided person! Do not EVER think that in relation to surveys. The NUMBER ONE, absolutely unbreakable rule in conducting phone surveys is: You CANNOT for ANY reason change the wording as shown you on your computer screen. If a man has a nuclear missile and is threatening to destroy the United States and start World War III unless you change the words you’re saying, you STILL can’t vary those words one bit. Oh no, that would introduce bias into the system, and that would be a travesty that could possibly destroy the universe.
But relax you Telesurveying Companies - even though I'm writing this about your company right at this moment - there is no possible way your careers are in jeopardy, because we live in Provo - The Land of People Who Are So Desperate For Any Job at Any Time That They Would Probably Even Consider Indentured Servitude As An Acceptible Career Choice.
posted by CT at 10:10 PM
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