Funny Short Stories

OK - two quick funny short stories - both about the same person.

I went with George to go donate plasma at Alpha (it's closed down since) and I'm sitting there getting my blood pressure & stats taken, when I hear this really loud voice coming from my left, loud enough so the whole room can hear it. "I'm wondering why you want to know if I've been in prison for more than 72 hours. Do you just assume that if I've been in jail for 3 days I've been raped by some guy named Bubba?" Then later on, he was told that his veins were too small for him to be able to donate plasma, and he said: "GREAT - One more thing I can't do because I'm out of shape!"

Another time George had just moved into my apartment, and another ex-roommate, Alfred, had moved out 4 weeks before but still kept on coming back to 'borrow' things. Like, "Hey guys, can I grab a roll of toilet paper?" or "I just need some plates for my new place." And one time, I was in the kitchen cooking stuff, when I hear Alfred come into the apartment once more. I hear George say to Alfred, "Oh, do you still live here?" Alfred: "I just want to visit my friends." And I just cracked up laughing because nobody else in the world but George possibly say that to Alfred.