Students Slap Teachers Day

Are you sick and tired of the ‘less effective’ method of Teacher Evaluations? “What IS the ‘less effective’ method of Teacher Evaluations?” you ask? Why it’s the method provided to us by our school wherein the teachers tell us to take these surveys online & occasionally the teachers look at it and take it to heart. Let us stress that we do believe that MOST teachers take these comments to heart, but there are a few teachers out there that just read it and laugh maniacally and say to themselves, “Why they think I’m mean this year? They should have had me last year when I didn’t get the syllabus to them until November the 7th, and then over half of the information was incorrect!” That’s right Freshman – these surveys that we take aren’t viewed by our professors’ leaders, but rather only by the professors themselves, and then only if they choose to. We hereby propose a better, more effective method of feedback: Students Slap Teachers Day.

Students Slap Teachers Day will be more effective for several reasons:

1) It is more fun & satisfying than writing and selecting options based on a scale from 1-5.
2) It provides teachers with more immediate motivation to change their behavior for that semester.
3) It actually gives students something to look forward to at the end of the semester.

There would be just a few rules:

1) Each student may slap each teacher once, and only once, with the palm of the hand on either cheek.
2) Students will not be allowed to wear gloves or any article on the hand unless the article is made of cotton. No, students, steel is NOT made from cotton.
3) We will have 2 slapping days per semester – this way the teacher is more likely to remain consistently nice during the whole semester.
4) If the student feels the professor has performed adequately, (We stress adequately - they do not have to perform above & beyond the call of duty) the student shall refrain from slapping the professor.

Of course the honor code will apply to the above rules, and students must HONESTLY apply them to Students Slap Teachers Day, or they will be fined $50.00.

Just think of the results that could occur from this new system!

A) Teachers will no longer give us tests that end on the day of the BYU-Utah Football game.
B) The professors in charge of the testing center will stop loaning out only those darned backwards function HP calculators which takes the majority of students (I figure it’s the majority of students since the majority of students I know use TI-85s or 86s or any calculator besides those made by Hewlett Packard) an extra 5 minutes per problem on their tests.
C) Math professors will no longer force their students to use poorly written calculus books just because they (the books) were written by a BYU professor. Either that or the BYU professor that wrote the book would be more motivated to do a better job of writing it.
D) Professors will stop causing students thousands of hours of combined anguish by presenting them with instructions for projects based on programs that are no longer available in BYU computer labs. This in turn will lessen the need for computer lab attendants to work on inane problems, which will in turn save the University money when they hire less lab attendants the next year. This in turn will cause our tuition to drop, which will allow the students to buy either more ramen & frozen burritos, or more quality food resulting in better nourished students which will result in better test/essay scores & grades and better BYU Alumni Career Placement all around, and the reputation of BYU will increase & people the world over will be heard to say, “If only I could make it into BYU.”