Dating: The Stupid Gene

There comes a time in every person's life when they start to like someone. I don't just mean like as in 'it is fun to hang around them' but I mean like in a romantic sense. They wish to date this other person. The second they start to have romantic feelings for this other person, a new feeling arises inside them, a feeling brought on by what I have come to dub: The Stupid Gene

At this point I can just hear all of you biologists, micro, macro, and otherwise just screaming: "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID GENE!" To which I respond: How could you possibly know that there is no such thing as a stupid gene? The human genome is huge and immense, full of millions and millions of genes. Are you so pretentious and stuck up that you dare to pretend like you know what each and every one of them does?

The stupid gene is very simple to explain. Let's say you're good friends with someone of the opposite sex for years or months or perhaps even one week. You (you plural where you means 'you and person of the opposite gender') go out and hang out and can talk about most anything, from really meaningful things like your fear of Winnie the Pooh to boring things like what your favorite writing utensil (eg. crayon) is and why. Then all of a sudden, you start to have romantic feelings for them. You start thinking about how beautiful or handsome that person is. And the second that happens, you can no longer say even one little intelligent comment when you're around them. It doesn't even matter if you're talking to them directly - if that person is in the room, you will think and act stupid.

Here's an example of the stupid gene in action: A nuclear physicist is talking with a colleage, "Yes, I do believe that the amount of waste produced by fission could be reduced if only we used Uranium-148 isotopes instead of..." the person they like walks into the room, "Um, I'm sorry - refresh my memory - what's a nucleus?" Or if the person they like asks them how to spell their first name, they will stutter a bit, and just smile goofily at the person they like.

Now some people have come up with an idea for a solution to the stupid gene - a way to get past the barrier of letting somebody know that you like them. We have The Whiteboard Theory. It's simple: Everybody should wear a whiteboard on their chests - and on the whiteboard they will write the top 5 or 10 names of people they like or are interested in. If they don't like anybody, they don't have to write any names. If the people on their White Board don't like them back, all they have to do is come and erase their name from the list. If they do like them back, they could put like a gold star next to their name. It's simple! It's easy! And since it's bound to make people look foolish it will NEVER work - but we can dream!

Note: For all of you super-serious people out there (see comments by Anonymous under Dating: The Setup) please remember that the above is a joke. The above does not in anyway mean that males are absolved from the responsibility of asking females out. If when you read this you get this seething righteous feeling to tell me 'what's what', then calmly step away from the computer, and go eat 6 tablespoons of sugar, wait 30 minutes, calm back, and read it again when you're either hyper or slap happy.