Depression - Seasonal and Otherwise
Right now I'm sitting here - I haven't written a decent thing in over a week, and I have a few really good topics I could hit on, but I really don't want to even start. Why? I've been depressed - not seriously depressed to the point where I'm miserable, but depressed to the point where it takes away my personality and makes me feel numb to all emotions and makes me incapable of telling a joke, in writing or in person. To the point where I feel somewhat stupid interacting with people and want to retreat into a cave where I won't need to talk to people as much. This might sound like I'm whining, however I'm just stating this as a fact and trying to explain it to people. I'm not trying to explain this depression to say "Hey - look at me! Give me attention!" But I'm trying to do this to hopefully give people a better understanding of depression and how it affects people. Personally I've come to be able to live with depression and just accept that it happens, but it affects me and everything I do quite a bit and the ONLY thing left that annoys me about it is explaining what's happening to people who don't get depressed.
Depression is something that's affected me for my whole life, which seems to get worse each year, yet I will NEVER talk about it with anybody unless I think the somebody I'm talking to has at least somewhat experienced it before. I don't discuss this with family, because if I do I'm scared that they'll try to 'fix' me or turn me into a project to correct this problem, while I've learned through experience that the best way to deal with it is to let the time that I'm feeling this way pass while trying to get on with my life as best as possible.
Right now as you're reading this, you're thinking thoughts similar to one of these two things:
1)"Yeah, I can identify with that"
or
2) "Yeesh, who is this guy fooling? People who say they're depressed are faking it and should just get over it"
And right now as I say this I'm taking a huge risk, because frankly I hate talking to people about this, and people who know me might want to talk to me about it, but I really don't want to, I just want to explain my point of view in the hopes of helping people to understand and then move on.
A lot of you who have never been depressed will think that the best way to approach someone who's depressed is to say to them, "Hey! Cheer up! I've been there! I know what you're going through!" This is something you must absolutely NOT do. You (those of you who don't get depressed) do NOT know what is like to go through this. You know as much about how it feels to be depressed as males could know what it feels like to give birth to a baby without anaesthetic. Sure males can try and empathize and be sympathetic towards the female, but they will NEVER know what it's like to give birth because it's impossible for them to experience that in life.
Depression is something which affects a lot of people - I don't know how many - but the fact of the matter is that people who are depressed never want to talk about it. Often they're ashamed of it and feel that it's something they've done to make themselves depressed. It took a long while for me to realize that it just happens to me once in a while, and that it's just something that I need to deal with in my life.
For me, as with many others, I start to become really depressed every year from around the end of September to somewhere probably around February. I think it has something to do with less sunlight, or maybe the fact that it's just cloudy and dreary all the time, but all I know is that when September rolls around I start to dread the upcoming months. I dread it so much that I've even thought I would be better off moving somewhere else, like Australia or Argentina, during those months and living around complete strangers rather than live here and be depressed around friends that I know really well. Luckily it's not a constant depression but it just tends to come and go during this period.
Without fail, at least one person per year for the last 5 or 6 years has asked me in the fall why I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I'm never really sure how to respond. One time when I told somebody that I just tend to get somewhat down in the fall, and this person said, "I don't think that's it - I think it's just a lack of faith, if you prayed it would probably go away." I wanted to tell this person that they should stop taking drugs for headaches and instead just pray for their headaches to go away.
"What does depression do? Does it just make you sad?" No - it's not necessarily being sad. Being sad is a feeling where you know you're sad for a reason - you're sad about something and you know that feeling will go away. When you become depressed, you can be happy one second then all of a sudden out of nowhere you're sad. Your personality disappears. Your ability to laugh and enjoy things that you normally do goes away. Sometimes it gets to the point where it's a feeling of despair, but often for me it's more like a feeling of numbness. A feeling where I feel incapable of interacting with people on an emotional level. Anything I need to do that requires emotion, like writing, is near impossible to get done. I can still force myself to do it, but the finished product will only be about 10% as good as it would have been if I wasn't depressed and will take me twice as long to finish.
Along with the lack of emotions, it often makes me feel socially incompetent. I still want to interact with people, but whenever I try the words don't come out right, and I just end up feeling awkward, and in the end after forcing myself to interact, instead of 'feeling better' like I thought would happen I just end up feeling more depressed and more incompetent than I did before.
"What can I do to help somebody who's depressed?" OK - the #1 thing to do is not treat them like an outcast and not speak to them. Still say 'hi' and 'how's it going?' like you normally would. I know it's awkward being around people that are depressed, but believe me the depressed people find it more awkward than you do. IF you say "I'm worried about you" make it understood that you mean you care about them. Often when people say "I'm worried about you" it just adds more stress onto the person who's depressed, it makes them think, "Oh no, what I'm doing is really affecting other people" which you might think is a good motivator but in reality this hurts the depressed person even more a lot of times. Believe me, they are trying to get out of the depressed phase and they are worried enough about it already. Don't throw your worries on top of theirs.
"What should I not do?" Do NOT tell them how to cheer themselves up. It's ok to suggest but do not insist that they do it. Generally people who are depressed know more about how to deal with it than people who aren't - they've been living with it for most of their lives. Listen to them, talk to them, ask them how they're doing but don't tell them what to do or how to get over it. Don't act like you know a solution to depression, unless of course you're a counselor or a psychiatrist or something. Do not try to 'fix' them. Treat them like a person, not like a broken down car or machine.
Whatever you do, just treat them like a friend, not a project. And I'm not just saying that to sound sappy.
Depression is something that's affected me for my whole life, which seems to get worse each year, yet I will NEVER talk about it with anybody unless I think the somebody I'm talking to has at least somewhat experienced it before. I don't discuss this with family, because if I do I'm scared that they'll try to 'fix' me or turn me into a project to correct this problem, while I've learned through experience that the best way to deal with it is to let the time that I'm feeling this way pass while trying to get on with my life as best as possible.
Right now as you're reading this, you're thinking thoughts similar to one of these two things:
1)"Yeah, I can identify with that"
or
2) "Yeesh, who is this guy fooling? People who say they're depressed are faking it and should just get over it"
And right now as I say this I'm taking a huge risk, because frankly I hate talking to people about this, and people who know me might want to talk to me about it, but I really don't want to, I just want to explain my point of view in the hopes of helping people to understand and then move on.
A lot of you who have never been depressed will think that the best way to approach someone who's depressed is to say to them, "Hey! Cheer up! I've been there! I know what you're going through!" This is something you must absolutely NOT do. You (those of you who don't get depressed) do NOT know what is like to go through this. You know as much about how it feels to be depressed as males could know what it feels like to give birth to a baby without anaesthetic. Sure males can try and empathize and be sympathetic towards the female, but they will NEVER know what it's like to give birth because it's impossible for them to experience that in life.
Depression is something which affects a lot of people - I don't know how many - but the fact of the matter is that people who are depressed never want to talk about it. Often they're ashamed of it and feel that it's something they've done to make themselves depressed. It took a long while for me to realize that it just happens to me once in a while, and that it's just something that I need to deal with in my life.
For me, as with many others, I start to become really depressed every year from around the end of September to somewhere probably around February. I think it has something to do with less sunlight, or maybe the fact that it's just cloudy and dreary all the time, but all I know is that when September rolls around I start to dread the upcoming months. I dread it so much that I've even thought I would be better off moving somewhere else, like Australia or Argentina, during those months and living around complete strangers rather than live here and be depressed around friends that I know really well. Luckily it's not a constant depression but it just tends to come and go during this period.
Without fail, at least one person per year for the last 5 or 6 years has asked me in the fall why I'm not as happy as I used to be, and I'm never really sure how to respond. One time when I told somebody that I just tend to get somewhat down in the fall, and this person said, "I don't think that's it - I think it's just a lack of faith, if you prayed it would probably go away." I wanted to tell this person that they should stop taking drugs for headaches and instead just pray for their headaches to go away.
"What does depression do? Does it just make you sad?" No - it's not necessarily being sad. Being sad is a feeling where you know you're sad for a reason - you're sad about something and you know that feeling will go away. When you become depressed, you can be happy one second then all of a sudden out of nowhere you're sad. Your personality disappears. Your ability to laugh and enjoy things that you normally do goes away. Sometimes it gets to the point where it's a feeling of despair, but often for me it's more like a feeling of numbness. A feeling where I feel incapable of interacting with people on an emotional level. Anything I need to do that requires emotion, like writing, is near impossible to get done. I can still force myself to do it, but the finished product will only be about 10% as good as it would have been if I wasn't depressed and will take me twice as long to finish.
Along with the lack of emotions, it often makes me feel socially incompetent. I still want to interact with people, but whenever I try the words don't come out right, and I just end up feeling awkward, and in the end after forcing myself to interact, instead of 'feeling better' like I thought would happen I just end up feeling more depressed and more incompetent than I did before.
"What can I do to help somebody who's depressed?" OK - the #1 thing to do is not treat them like an outcast and not speak to them. Still say 'hi' and 'how's it going?' like you normally would. I know it's awkward being around people that are depressed, but believe me the depressed people find it more awkward than you do. IF you say "I'm worried about you" make it understood that you mean you care about them. Often when people say "I'm worried about you" it just adds more stress onto the person who's depressed, it makes them think, "Oh no, what I'm doing is really affecting other people" which you might think is a good motivator but in reality this hurts the depressed person even more a lot of times. Believe me, they are trying to get out of the depressed phase and they are worried enough about it already. Don't throw your worries on top of theirs.
"What should I not do?" Do NOT tell them how to cheer themselves up. It's ok to suggest but do not insist that they do it. Generally people who are depressed know more about how to deal with it than people who aren't - they've been living with it for most of their lives. Listen to them, talk to them, ask them how they're doing but don't tell them what to do or how to get over it. Don't act like you know a solution to depression, unless of course you're a counselor or a psychiatrist or something. Do not try to 'fix' them. Treat them like a person, not like a broken down car or machine.
Whatever you do, just treat them like a friend, not a project. And I'm not just saying that to sound sappy.
posted by CT at 4:58 PM
4 Comments:
As I read your comments I completely understand how you feel. It sucks. It's like a vaccuum. When I read Harry Potter and he talks about the Death Eaters I realized that is exactly what depression feels like. I take medicine to manage my depression. And it really helps. Because my depression can make me anxious, inattentive and angry. These things disrupt my life. I can't get school work done, and it affects my relationships with those I care about. My medicine had a few side affects in the beginning, but now I feel great. I still get sad or "numb" but it's manageable. It takes the edge off. Thanks for your comments Student. You expressed them eloguently.
As someone who has delt with treatment resistant major depression for many years I can understand where you are coming from. I know you can't make yourself happy and the numbness that is over powering. I just want to tell you that you do not have wait for it to happen and expect it to come. I mean yeah it will come back even with treatment, but not as severe and you will know how to handle it so it does not cause problems in your life. It might take years of treatment for that to happen but the effort will pay off. I had to try many medications with many side effects but I finally I found a medication that worked and I have myself back. You should not let it waste your time. You should fight it and get all the help you can. I can say I am a better person now because of my efforts and results. When you finally realize you are no longer depressed it is a wonderful feeling. It is worth the time and effort. Even if you think the person trying to help you is wrong, then get different opinions it could take many before you find an answer but the end result is worth it. I hated people telling me to be happy and snap out of it, it made me feel worse, but I finally realized that they had no idea what I was going through and they were trying to help me in the only way they know how and that they felt as powerless over the depression as I did. Just think if you had a vision problem so that you could not see things clearly would you not go get glasses. I realized it is the same thing no matter how hard it was to deal with it I wasn't in "reality" because of my depression. Without getting glasses for my depression I couldn't live the best life that I was possible of living or even the most full filling. The best friends during all of this were those that listened without judging and knowing that if things somehow get worse again they will be there for me again. It was hard to feel I wasn't a burden on my family and friends, but I realized that I am worth the effort of getting better and fighting this disease. Good luck to you with your fight, if you choose to fight it either way you are a wonderful person who I am sure is still loved by their family and friends. Just remember that the numbness can and will go away and that even if you are affecting those around you it is only because they love you and they want to help you. For me letting them help and try to understand was one of the best things I did. I could not have done it on my own. I am sorry this is so long. Hopefully it will convey to those who have no experience with this devastating illness that it takes a lot of courage and strength to deal with it everyday. Thanks for your candid comments.
I care about you!
you are very brave to admit that you have depression. It takes a strong man with a belief in himself to write about what depression is doing to him. Thank you for being YOU! You have wonderful talents and are awesome at SCRABBLE ... and that other online scrabble game ...
thanks candidbyu student~ for sharing your talent and yourself ...
I think depression is a sign of intelligence. We recognize how awful the world is...and how it shouldn't be this way.
*grin* I'm there with ya!
Depressed in PA
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